Breakwater Read online

  As if my life was worthless. But I knew that wasn’t the case, as much as the words stabbed at me. He had to have a way to get me out of the Rim long enough to defuse the situation with the Pit. Our fiery cousins might be good at reining in their tempers, but when they finally blew their tops . . . the world was not a safe place for anyone. Especially not the person they were pissed at, which in this case was me.

  Father strode from the room, the carpet of grass muffling any sound his steps made. Ash snapped his fingers then pointed at Belladonna and me. “You two, meet me at the Traveling room in one hour.”

  “Gladly, pet,” Belladonna purred, and I had to fight the sudden urge to reach over and strangle her.

  With a swish of her skirts, she sashayed past Ash. At the last second she ran a hand down his arm. “I wish you were the one coming with me. At least then I’d know I was safe.”

  She couldn’t see his face, but I could. He swallowed hard, as if he were trying not to vomit. “Princess, thank you for the compliment, but I’ve trained Larkspur. She will do her job,” he said, but the revulsion was in his eyes. Rape is not something our people condoned in the least, but as Ash had said, who would believe the princess had forced him to pleasure her?

  No one but me. I knew my family too well not to believe him.

  “Ash, hold on,” I said, “I want to speak to my father.” I didn’t stay for Ash’s answer, just ran after the receding figure of my father.

  I caught up to him just before he reached the throne room. “Father. Wait, please.” He stopped and glanced back at me.

  “Larkspur, I do not have time for this.”

  He was right, there was no time, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to try and fix what I already knew was going to be an epic disaster. There was no way Belladonna and I could work together.

  “Send Raven instead. Belladonna will make things worse in the Deep. I know that.”

  “Belladonna is trained to be an ambassador, you are not. How would you know who would be best to send?” His voice rose in intensity with each word, his eyes flashing with emotion.

  I refused to back down. “She is her mother’s daughter. You don’t know she isn’t still doing as Cassava wishes. And it’s not my fault that I wasn’t trained as she was! I could have been if I were treated as your daughter and not as some outcast cur!” I snapped at him. His eyes widened, then narrowed with a speed that made me doubt the hurt I’d seen in them.

  “You go too far, Ender. Remember your place. A princess by blood? Perhaps. But not by any other standard.” He stepped through the door and into the throne room, slamming it behind him.

  Stunned, the shock of his words slowly filtered through me as I stared at the closed door. Once more, put in my place by someone who was supposed to love me unconditionally. I made my way back to my father’s rooms where Ash waited for me. He took a single look at me, but asked no questions as to what I’d needed to speak to the king about. I wondered what he saw when he looked at me. What did my face give away? I hoped nothing, but I had a feeling Ash saw far more than I wanted.

  I didn’t know what to say, how to break the growing silence between us.

  Ash looked me over again. “Testing went well?”

  I nodded, grateful he broke the awkward quiet. Grateful he hadn’t heard my father speak to me like I was still nothing to him. Was this part of the act to keep me safe, or did he really mean what he’d said? I might not ever know. I replayed Ash’s question in my head. “Yes, I guess the testing went well. I wouldn’t know if it hadn’t, would I?”

  “You wouldn’t be here so quickly if it had gone south.” He turned and beckoned for me to follow. “A week is a fairly short time to be in the mother goddess’s embrace.”

  I stumbled to a stop. “A week? I was gone a whole week?” At least that explained the gnawing hunger and thirst. The whole time with the mother goddess had felt like hours. And though the pain part had seemed to last longer, I was already forgetting it.

  He glanced over his shoulder at me. “My testing, I was gone ten days. If you had taken longer than a month we would assume you were lost. Our bodies can’t stand to be within her embrace for longer.”

  Damn, I had no idea that was even possible. “No one told me about that.”

  “It’s not spoken of until you come through. You need to go in blind to the dangers.”

  I frowned, thinking about the time I’d spent with the mother goddess. None of it had seemed particularly dangerous. Painful, yes, but I never thought I was truly in danger.

  Ash led the way through the Spiral, the place my father and his children called home. Our family’s version of a castle, it was made up of all species of trees wrapping themselves around one another in a massive spiral that reached through the redwood giants. The interior was far larger than the exterior, driving deep into the earth and expanding beyond reason within the Spiral. A magic older than our family had created it and its expansive nature. The hot springs were in the lowest level of the Spiral, protected and used only for healing and testing.

  We weren’t going to another room within the Spiral, though. The Traveling room where we would meet Belladonna was in the Enders barracks.

  We exited the Spiral, the redwoods swaying above us, the soft sound of the trees moving in time with the wind. Several birds called down to us as we stepped into the sunlight, but Ash never slowed as we strode to the Ender’s barracks. I wanted him to slow down. I wanted to just . . . be by him. We had been through a lot together and I felt like I finally had a friend I could be myself around. Someone who didn’t care I was a bastard, or that I would never be a real princess. “Belladonna specifically asked that you be assigned to her.”

  Ash stopped mid-stride, and only because I knew what to look for did I see the way his shoulders tightened. “And your father, what did he say?” He didn’t look at me, so I could only guess at the expression on his face. I went with horror.

  “I told her you were too busy running things. That you couldn’t go. My father probably would have let her take you if I hadn’t said something.” I walked past him. The main training room was empty except for Blossom practicing with her dual short swords in the corner, so I wasn’t worried about who might hear me.

  “What, do you want me to thank you?” Ash bit out and it was my turn to tense.

  I turned to face him, and crossed my arms. “Ash, we’re friends. Friends thank one another for sticking their necks out. So yeah, it wouldn’t kill you. Unless you wanted to go with her?”

  He snorted and shook his head. “Get your things, Larkspur. You have a princess to protect and I still have to brief you.”

  Without another word, he walked away, taking the stairs into the belly of the barracks where the Traveling room was hidden. He said nothing about being my friend. Perhaps I was wrong about that too. Wouldn’t surprise me, it seemed lately my ability to figure out men had slid into the compost heap. A sigh of frustration escaped me before I could catch it.

  “Lark, where are you going? You just got back.” Blossom slid her two swords into the sheaths at her side with a soft shush of metal on leather. We were the only two female Enders left after the lung burrowers had swept through wiping out nearly half of our family.

  “I’m on assignment, I guess. I have to watch over Belladonna.”

  Blossom made a face, her lips and nose crinkling in tandem. I more than agreed with her, but kept my own facial muscles still. “Be careful, I don’t want to be the only girl here to keep the men in line.” She gave me a wink and went back to her practicing. Not so long ago, she was thinking of quitting, but I’d convinced her to stay. I was glad I had. Maybe in Blossom I’d finally find a true friend. But not today.

  “You be careful too.” I jogged away, down the main hall to the living quarters and into my tiny room. Barely big enough for the bed and table beside it, I was surprised that someone was waiting for me.

  Coal.

  His raven-black hair glistened as he lifted his head, the blue-black highlights catching the light. His green eyes roved over me, a hunger in their depths. I swallowed hard. Knowing him as well as I did, I was very aware of what he wanted and despite my growing understanding that I had to cut him loose, my body responded to him. It knew the tune we played “oh-so-well” together.

  “Lark,” his voice was husky and full of desire.

  Steeling myself, I kept my voice even. “Coal, I have an assignment. I have to go.”

  With his one remaining hand, he reached for me. “Can’t they find someone else? I’ve been lonely without you. I don’t want you to go.”

  “I’ve only been gone a week.” I dodged his hand and went to my knees so I could get at the weapons under my bed. In particular, my spear that had belonged to my mother—there was no way I was leaving it behind when I was going into danger.

  His hand dropped to my head, digging into my thick hair and tugging at me lightly, bringing my face close to his knees. “Lark, I’ve missed you. Doesn’t that count for something?”

  I sat back, spear in one hand and three knives in the other. A part of me expected to feel something other than desire—a pull of my heart toward him. But there was nothing other than the zings of lust, and even with the guilt that ate at me, that wasn’t enough. I had to let him go. Had to make him move on. “I’m sorry, Coal, I have to leave. I have an assignment.”

  His eyes hardened, flashing with anger. “Right. And that has nothing to do with this.” He held up my necklace with the griffin tooth dangling from it. The necklace was a gift from Griffin, the wolf shifter who lived on the southern outskirts of our forest. He’d given me the necklace to stave off the lung burrowers while I fought off Cassava.

  I reached for it. “I have to return that.”

  “Not according to this.” Coal fumbled with the necklace and pulled a piece of paper from under his shirt, reading from it. “Larkspur, keep the necklace for your next trip, it looks better on you than it ever did on me. But I want it back when you return. Your friend, Griffin.”

  I lifted my eyebrows. “So?”

  “A man doesn’t just give a gift to a woman without expecting something in return. Or maybe he’s making a payment for something he’s already had.”

  My jaw dropped. He just called me a whore. I curled my fingers into a fist and pulled my arm back. A hand behind me grabbed me before I could ram my fist into Coal’s face.

  “Lark, I said I needed you in the Traveling room,” Ash said.

  I let out a slow breath, reached out and jerked the necklace from Coal’s fingers. Guilt over cutting off his hand be damned. I didn’t need this worm shit trying to control me. He wasn’t getting the subtle cues; time to be blunt. “Get out of here, and don’t bother missing me. We’re done.”

  His green eyes seemed to burn, and the ugliness that hid behind his good looks reared its head. “You’re a slut, just like Belladonna. Just like your mother.”

  Ash grunted as if he’d been hit in the gut. I swallowed hard and knew what I was about to say would sever the ties between Coal and me once and for all. There would be no going back. But I just didn’t want to deal with his garbage anymore, or the guilt. “I should have cut off your head instead of your hand, you stupid ass.” To be fair, I’d cut it off because I’d had no other choice. He’d been under Cassava’s compulsion and was dragging me to her so she could kill me.

  But to Coal, the reason wouldn’t matter.

  I pushed past Ash and strode toward the Traveling room, leaving a stunned Coal and silent Ash behind.

  I should have known better than to think Coal would let me go after dropping that little bombshell. I made it all the way to the stairwell leading down to the Traveling room. A shout from Ash was the only warning I got. Coal came at me hard, leaping from the first step. He tackled me, and we fell in a tangled heap, hitting the sharp edges of the stairs cut into the earth. He screamed at me, his voice a blur of words and anger, violence and profanities flowing out of him.

  There was nothing I could say, nothing I wanted to say. At the bottom of the stairs he got on top of me, pinning me with his knees as he tried to choke me with his one hand. A futile effort. I batted his hand away and sat up, pushing him off. “Go home, Coal. You aren’t needed here.”

  Useless.

  The word hung in the air as if I’d said it. He wasn’t useless, but he sure as hell couldn’t do the job he loved anymore, he couldn’t guard the edge of the Rim. And that was my fault.

  “You bitch, you cut my hand off.” He breathed hard, as if he had been running for hours.

  “Cassava was using you—”

  “Shut up! You . . . I can’t believe you. No, you’re covering for someone.” He was nodding, wagging one finger at me. I shook my head, but he was on a roll. “Yes, that’s what’s going on. You’re covering for someone. This Griffin, was he the one? Or maybe”—he spun and looked at Ash who’d caught up to us—“You! You cut my hand off.”

  “Oh, for the sake of the mother goddess, Coal!” I grabbed his arm and slapped his face hard. “Go home.”

  He stumbled away, looking between Ash and me. “You are trying to steal her from me. But Lark will always come back to me. I’m her first love. Her heart is mine.” He spat at us, then finally turned and stumbled up the stairs. The silence that fell between Ash and me was not comfortable and I squirmed. Damn, I wished I could back up this day a few hours and start it again.

  “I don’t know what’s gotten into him. It’s like he’s losing himself.”

  Ash nodded. “It happens sometimes when a limb is cut off like that, almost like a piece of their minds goes with it.”

  I bent and picked up the necklace, slipping it over my head. “You’ve seen this before, when someone loses a limb?”

  “Yes, two Enders. They just couldn’t function as they had before and they made up a reality they could live with.”

  “What happened to them?” I was more than a little afraid of the answer.

  “Banished. Neither could be helped, and they began to threaten the safety of the family. Enough of that, you need to understand what you’re getting into when you step into the Deep.”

  Relief swept through me. I might be going into a difficult situation, but I was leaving behind a mess with Coal. A mess I knew was far from cleaned up. Time would help, time apart; I had to believe Coal would find someone else, but I knew the struggle of being pegged “useless.” Our family wasn’t so good at taking care of lame ducks.

  We went into the Traveling room, and again I was struck by the sheer wonder and magic of it. Set up as a globe, the whole world was contained in the one room. But instead of looking down on a globe, we looked from the inside out, and the walls of the room were seemingly painted with the continents and oceans. The currents of water and air were visible as they flowed around us, my feet splashing in the Pacific Ocean’s reflection. This was how we moved around the world without dealing too much with the humans.

  Ash finally looked at me. His eyes burrowed into mine and I struggled to breathe. Unspoken words hovered in the air between us, and I couldn’t stand the silence. “What?”

  “I’m glad you made it out of your testing. I need you, Lark.”

  A lightning bolt of heat shot through me with his words, and I made myself breathe normally. Fought to think about the reality of what he meant. He didn’t mean he needed me other than to help him, I knew that. We were friends. “Running things here getting to you already?”

  His eyes didn’t leave mine. “Something like that. The trainees are struggling. None of them really want to be Enders. But they’re all we have. You and I are the only Enders in truth, so try not to get yourself killed.”

  I laughed, expecting him to join me.

  He didn’t.

  He pointed to the globe at the water off the southeastern section of the North American continent. “This is where the Deep is situated. The humans call it the Bermuda triangle, and right now we can’t Travel directly to it.”

  “Why not?”

  “The civil war going on there is reaching a fever pitch and they’ve blocked anyone from Traveling directly in or out. Which means you need to go here”—he pointed at an island close to the Deep. Bermuda. Hmm.

  “And once we’re there?”

  “You’ll have to row out to the Deep and ask permission to enter.”

  “Why do I get the feeling you aren’t telling me something important?” I put my hand out and touched the spot where the Deep was. The image grew until it took up nearly half the room. A swirl of mist hovered over it, blocking it from view. I pushed the image back, letting the globe return to its normal room-filling size.

  “They may decide not to let you in. And if they do that, you could be in trouble.”

  “Like try to kill us trouble?” I stared at him, watching for signs he held back. He didn’t.

  “Yes. They might try to kill you, depending on the relationship between them and our ambassador who we believe is already dead, or at the very least, incarcerated in their cells, which are notorious for their own dangers.”

  My first task was to find the ambassador. “Barkley is his name, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, and they’re saying that whatever happened to him, and we don’t know the exact details, was an accident. But the ambassadors from the Pit and the Eyrie have met with ‘accidents’ too and are missing as well. At the very least, they are all out of contact with their families. Your father thinks they won’t dare harm someone of royal blood. But I’m not so sure.”

  Suddenly dealing with Coal’s tantrums and staying close to home sounded like a far better idea than before.

  “Too bad I don’t have a choice about this,” I said softly, reaching out and touching the globe. The water rippled under my hands and Ash nodded.

  “You’re an Ender now, Lark. Choices are not something you’re given. Do as you’re told. Keep your charges safe. Protect our family.”

  Seemingly so simple, yet I knew better. There was nothing simple about being an Ender.