Ninety-Eight (Contemporary Romance) Read online

  She thought Darwin was right, that I’d somehow become the girl who was pushed around, told what to do and I’d do it.

  “You’ll be my friend even if you think the man I’m marrying is a twat waffle?”

  Laughter spilled out of her. “Especially then. You’re going to need all the friends you can get when you marry that twat waffle.”

  I borrowed five bucks, and a pair of jeans and t-shirt from Penny and caught a bus into work. Penny would kill me if I got horse manure on her jeans, so as soon as I got to the clinic, I changed into the extra clothes I left at the clinic. Working with animals, you never knew when a complete change of clothes would be necessary. I was glad now that I had the extra clothes there, even if they were just scrubs and a pair of green rubber boots. I folded Penny’s clothes and set them in the locker, then balled my red dress up and slid it next to the jeans. Maybe I would give it to Penny; the red dress certainly hadn’t brought me any luck.

  Making a decision, I called Victor.

  “Baby, where are you? I swear, I got only a few hours sleep last night, I was so worried.” His voice was thick with sleep, like I’d woken him up. The jerk probably hadn’t been worried, he’d probably just gone to bed and slept like a log. Ass.

  My fingers drummed along the work counter and I stared out the window into the back parking area. “I’m fine. I’m going to stay with Penny for a few days.”

  “Don’t do that, we can work this out. We just need to talk about the logistics of it, that’s all,” he said, the anxiety in his voice coming through loud and clear. At least he was worried that it might not work out. At least he had that much sense in his head.

  “I need some time away from you, Vic. I suppose I’m just being selfish, as you so helpfully pointed out, but since that’s how I am, then I might as well live it up, right?” Sure, I was being a bitch, but I just didn’t care at that moment. He deserved it, the twat waffle.

  “Hey, I didn’t mean it like that, Baby.”

  My jaw dropped and I struggled to speak. “How the hell else could you mean it?”

  “Just that you are so much younger than me, immature, and really, you don’t understand how relationships work. The things you have to give up for each other—”

  I hit the end button before I screamed into the phone. Shaking, I put the phone back in its cradle and stood there, leaning over the counter, taking long, deep breaths in an effort to slow my heart down. I was at work and I needed to control my emotions or the clients we worked with today, the horses we worked on, would go through the roof. And I couldn’t do that to Dr. Winston or the horses, it wasn’t fair.

  Dr. Winston showed up ten minutes late, but I was ready for him, calm and in control, schedule in hand, equipment packed in the clinic’s farm call vehicle.

  “Nice boots,” he barked, eyeing my knee-high rubber boots.

  “Thanks.” All I knew was that I could get through the day; I could keep my shit together. No one had to know about the inner turmoil rolling through my guts, the battle between anger and sadness slicing through me. The decisions that lay on my doorstep that I so desperately wanted to avoid.

  We got into the truck and were off to the first appointment, which happened to be at the Upshaw’s. But I was ready; I’d seen that Fiona’s family was the first stop.

  “Good thing you got smashed by that colt, or we’d still be dealing with Fiona,” Dr. Winston said as we pulled into the yard and backed into the barn. Since the incident with the colt introducing his hoof to my head, the trainer, Jacob, and his assistants held the horses for us. I didn’t expect I would have to face Fiona just yet.

  “Happy to help out where I can; let me know if you need any other sacrificial duties,” I said dryly, my hand going to the fading scar on my head.

  The first few horses at the Upshaw’s were fine, no major problems—until there was a familiar screech from the far end of the barn and the horse we were working on skidded sideways, despite Jacob’s expert handling.

  “God damn it!” Jacob snarled, bringing the horse around so that it could face the oncoming Tsunami that was Fiona.

  “Brielle!” Fiona screeched, the hair on my neck standing at attention.

  I cringed, but turned with a smile, despite the embarrassment suffusing me. “Hi, Fiona.”

  She ran down the aisle, crying. Oh my god. My heart dropped. If Fiona was crying, something was wrong.

  Had something happened to Darwin? Had they broken up? My heart leapt at the thought—if we were both single … .

  “Fiona, calm down. What is it?” I grabbed her arms, as she drew close to me, but she threw herself at me, forcing me to catch her as she sobbed against my chest. I glanced at Dr. Winston who mouthed ‘faking it,’ which only confused me.

  Fiona was faking this, but why?

  Fear scrambled my brain, and I couldn’t think past the possibilities of what might have happened. Maybe Darwin had been called out on shift last night and a patient had gotten out of control? Maybe they’d had a fight? The possibilities were endless and my mind did its best to give me the worst of them.

  “You’re okay,” she finally choked out. “Darwin was out looking for you all night, we were so worried!” She swiped at non-existent tears and I could see that Dr. Winston was right. Fiona was a faker.

  Dr. Winston was behind her and his eyebrows all but disappeared into his receding hairline.

  I focused on Fiona. “Why would he be out looking for me? I don’t understand.”

  “Victor called us and said you’d had a fight, and he wondered if we’d heard from you.” She wiped her dry eyes again, and gave a short laugh. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Darwin so frantic. You really are like his sister, and he couldn’t save her … .” the unspoken words were clear. Darwin couldn’t save his sister, but he would try to keep me safe. That certainly explained his animosity toward Victor. I’d heard that big brothers could be a tad over protective, but this was silly. Darwin wasn’t even my brother. He had no reason to worry over me like that.

  Thank God for that or your dreams would have to be censored with ‘Incest.’

  “I’m fine. Really. I stayed with an old friend last night.” I smiled, tried to make Fiona believe me with the width of my grin, the false happiness in my eyes. She didn’t know me well enough to see through the mask I gave her. See? We could fake it together.

  After a few more minutes of assuring her I was okay, she finally left us to work. But not before informing me she had to call Darwin and tell him I was okay, and making sure Dr. Winston told her where we were going next. I scrubbed my hands over my face.

  “You and Fiona friends now?” Dr. Winston asked as he drew blood off the next horse for testing.

  I took the tube from him, labeled it and put it in the cooler. “I don’t know. Maybe. She’s trying to be nice. I’d feel bad being standoffish if she’s really wanting to be friends.”

  He snorted and we finished up, packing our gear and heading to the next stop, which happened to be three doors down the road. When we got there, a familiar blue Chevy was waiting. Darwin leaned against the hood, his back toward us.

  Dr. Winston gave me a look. “No three ring circuses. You do your visiting on your off hours, not on my time.”

  “Of course. He probably just wants to make sure I’m okay.”

  “And why would Fiona’s husband want to do that when you already told her you were?” His words cut through the gauze of illusions I’d been wrapping around me.

  “We’re friends.”

  Dr. Winston stopped the truck, well away from the barn and the parked Chevy. “My last assistant fell in love with one of my clients. Tall, good-looking fellow, whose wife had died, got the cancer and it ate her up in months. My assistant fell for him fast, but the honeymoon period didn’t last. When they broke up, she moved away and I lost the best assistant I’d ever had. I don’t care to lose another assistant or any of my clients. Got it?”

  I swallowed hard, my face burning. “He thinks of
me like a sister, and I’m grateful for his friendship.” Crap, what would Dr. Winston do when I told him that Victor had accepted a job in Indianapolis? Not that I was his best assistant, but still maybe I wouldn’t have to have that conversation. I could hope.

  “Keep it that way.” He put the truck back into gear and slowly crept the rest of the way down the driveway and up to the barn.

  As we drew closer I could easily see the fatigue on Darwin’s face, the worry etched around his eyes and mouth. He still wore the pants and shirt from the night before, but no tie.

  Fiona hadn’t been lying; he’d been up all night looking for me. A gut wrenching twist uncoiled through me. Victor had slept, and Darwin had been the one to try and find me. I grabbed the schedule and Dr. Winston’s bag, holding them against my chest as I hopped out of the truck.

  “Hi, Darwin. I’m sorry; I can’t talk right now. Dr. Winston is on a tight schedule today.” I clutched the items to my chest, used them as a barrier between us. His words from the night before still stung, even if they had been true. But maybe that was why they hurt so much.

  “Brielle … .” The way he said my name, the way it resonated through me and made my eyes sting with tears, was anything but sisterly. At least to my ears.

  I lifted my chin and slowly shook my head. Without another word, I turned my back on him and followed Dr. Winston into the barn. I had a job to do, and I would damn well do it regardless of my stupid life.

  The sound of the Chevy starting up and pulling out of the farmyard was both a relief and a disastrously foolish pain.

  The day dragged, every breath I took reminding me that I didn’t have a choice but to decide what the hell I was going to do about Victor.

  About Darwin.

  About my whole life.

  Dr. Winston wrapped things up early, so I hopped the bus and went back to my apartment. If I was going to stay with Penny, I would need a few things. My car, purse, clothes, toothbrush, the usual things.

  I had my bag packed and was at the door when Victor stumbled in. His eyes flashed to mine, hope filling them, but then dulling when he saw the bag. “Baby, I knew you’d come back, I love you—”

  I turned my head away to look at the wall, unable to even look him in the eyes. “I just came for some things.”

  He grabbed my hands, fingers wrapping around mine. “Please, I’m sorry. I’m an ass and all those things I said … maybe I’ve just got cold feet. I don’t know, but it was stupid. I was stupid. Please. I’m so sorry. We can make this work, I know we can.”

  A deep shuddering breath escaped me. Nana’s words whispered through my mind. 65%, better than anything else I’d ever find. Whatever I felt for Darwin was a passing fancy; it had to be. No matter what I felt for him, no matter how right he seemed, I was nothing more than a sister to him, a replacement for the sister he’d lost. I was no doormat—if I chose Victor, it had to be because I truly thought he was what was best for me, for my future.

  But the confusion still raged inside my heart, my soul withering at the thought of Darwin not being in my life, of not hearing him laugh ever again, of not seeing him smile at me.

  Of not being a part of his life in some way.

  Victor took my silence as acceptance and he started to pull me into his arms, kissing my neck lightly. “I love you, Baby. Please don’t leave.”

  “I need space, Victor.” I pulled out of his arms and opened the door. “I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk.”

  I grabbed my keys hanging from the wall hook by the door and strode down the hallway.

  Walking away from Victor was like walking out of the grocery store. There was no crashing of symbols, no deep soul-searing pain that dropped me to my knees. Had I grown complacent in our relationship, was this somehow my fault?

  I loved Victor, he was a good man, with a good job, all the things my nana had wanted for me. Safety, security, the things everyone craved in life.

  I sat in my car, keys at the ready to start the engine up, to drive away knowing that I likely wouldn’t be back.

  Ever. I spun the ring on my thumb, staring at the etched silver, the arrowheads that circled the band, then looking at the engagement ring a few fingers away. My mother would have a complete meltdown if I called off the wedding, Frank—I shuddered—Frank would be vicious, would make sure my mother thought the worst of me. He would find a way to make her hate me even more, to make sure that what was left of my relationship with her was gone. Done.

  All the deposits I’d put out, all the money I’d spent would be gone too. The months of planning, the invitations and the flowers, the caterers. Everything would have to be cancelled; so many people would be angry with me. I would disappoint so many people, people who thought well of me, people who knew me as a good girl who didn’t make bad choices. No doubt they would blame me, not Victor, no matter what I would say. It would be all my fault that the relationship didn’t work.

  I continued to spin the thumb ring, the band slowly heating, as my thoughts tumbled in several directions, none of them good.

  None of them helpful.

  Leaving Victor wouldn’t mean Darwin would see me any differently; I would still be a sister to him and he would still be married to Fiona. I would still be falling in love with him from a distance, unable to make anything of our relationship other than the friendship it was.

  The truth shot through me and I clapped my hands over my mouth, as if the words had spilled out of me. How many times had I thought the words, but ignored what they really meant?

  I was falling in love with a married man. With Darwin. I was that woman. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the steering wheel. Finally admitting to myself what I’d known almost from the first moment I’d met him.

  Darwin was the one I wanted. Even if he didn’t see me that way.

  But I could never have him; there was no way I could. Going that route would mean destroying two relationships, relationships with people who were not monsters, not bad people. Neither Victor nor Fiona deserved that.

  I wouldn’t make that mistake; I wouldn’t be that woman. I wouldn’t dishonor my nana’s memory by destroying my life for a man who didn’t want me anyway.

  Taking my keys from the ignition, I grabbed my bag and slid back out of my car. My decision made. There was no point in going to Penny’s.

  Not when I knew what was the right thing to do.

  The one thing that would make Nana proud.

  8

  I DIDN’T SEE DARWIN for almost two weeks. Time enough to push him from my mind, to convince myself that the girlish fantasy I’d wrapped around him and I was just that: a silly stupid thing that had been but a passing fancy. A culmination of cold feet and Victor being a jerk.

  But when he walked into the barn at the Upshaw’s, without Fiona, without anyone else around except for me and Jacob, every denial I’d set up in my mind came crashing down. My heart betrayed me, leaping, as if to offer itself up to him, lighter than it had been for the last two weeks.

  Just from seeing him.

  I had to get out of there.

  I handed the bottle of antibiotics I was dropping off to Jacob. “Dr. Winston’s instructions are on the side here, three times a day until the infection clears or the bottle empties, whichever comes first.” I almost dropped the bottle in my haste, trying to get out of the barn before—

  “Brielle. Can I talk to you? Please?”

  Again, my body betrayed me. My feet stopped of their own volition while my mind screamed at my legs to keep moving, to run away from the heartbreak that was walking toward me. Darwin caught up to me, his eyes searching my face, as Jacob left us, muttering under his breath about the cost of the antibiotics and vets.

  The barn, much to my horror, was silent for once, except for the occasional nicker of a horse, or stomp of a hoof. Where the hell were some grooms or riders when you needed them?

  I pointed to my watch. “I’m on my way home, Darwin, and it’s been a long day.”

  He
scrubbed a hand over his face, and then put his hands on his hips. “For the last two weeks I’ve been sick to think that I may have hurt the best friend I’ve had in a long time, all because I don’t agree with your choices. Brielle, I don’t want to lose your friendship. Not over my own hang-ups.”

  I swallowed hard, tears threatening. The air around us seemed thick, heavy with the things I wanted to say but had fought the last two weeks to bury deep in my heart. Because that was the only thing I could do. Bury him deep and move on with my life; keep what I felt for him a secret not only from him, but maybe from me too. But could I be around him and still pretend that I felt nothing but friendship now that I’d acknowledged, at least to myself, that I was falling for him?

  He stared at me, waiting for an answer. Waiting for me to say something. I didn’t dare look him in the eyes.

  “After the wedding, we’re moving to Indianapolis. I have an interview next week with a practice there.”

  He stepped closer, the space between us disappearing, our bodies a breath away from touching. His voice lowered. “Is it what you really want? I just need to know that you’ll be happy, that’s all. That’s what I want for you, happiness.”

  Damn him, he was the only one to question me, the only one to make me doubt. I stepped back and finally looked up at him. Even Penny hadn’t asked me that.

  I looked down at my feet, spinning the ring on my thumb. “The move will be good, the job and everything will be good. Victor will have the best chance at moving up in the corporation by taking this job.” I glanced up at him, to see his reaction.

  Darwin frowned, and I wished I’d said something to make him smile. To see that damn dimple wink at me one more time.

  “Just good.” He snorted. “Good isn’t enough, not for you. You’re better than ‘good’, Brielle. You have to know that you deserve more than that, no matter what your nana said.”

  Without thinking about it, I leaned my head against his chest. Just that, nothing more, and everything seemed better, clearer. Easier.

  Darwin’s hands slid up my arms to rest on my shoulders, his chin dropping to rest on top of my head.